Just over an hour ago, a massive earthquake (my office chair shook a little!) hit the east coast. If you thought the comedy community online wasn't going to be all over that in a matter of minutes, you are an idiot, sir or madam. I'm sorry. I should not have called you an idiot. After all, we just survived a pretty intense catastrophe (my office phone shook a little too!) together. Let's make amends over our shared love of these comedians' Twitter reactions to the earthquake…

As you've surely heard by now, the jury in the Casey Anthony trial found Anthony not guilty of the murder of her three-year-old daughter. No word yet on who actually committed the crime, but my money is on that guy who killed Nicole Brown Simpson. Anyway, with any big news story like this, the funny tweets by comedians are sure to pour in. So here is a roundup of some of the best ones we've found so far:

Read more »

I believe it was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who said, "I have a dream that someday Futurama nerds will be able to do Zoidberg impressions without getting punched in the face." Actually, maybe that was Gandhi. Either way, this story out of Charleston shows that we have a long way to go before making that dream a reality.

The man told police he was "just playing around" Feb. 11 near King and Calhoun streets when he began imitating Zoidberg. The report says the 22-year-old described Zoidberg as "a lobster doctor that walks sideways with his claws out and makes noise."

When "Zoidberg" passed another man on the street, the other man reportedly asked, "What did you say to me?" The 22-year-old's friends pulled him away from the man, "telling him, 'keep going, he said nothing to you,' " according to the report.

The man reportedly followed for about 20 feet and threw the punch. The alleged assailant, who is known by the 22-year-old, reportedly ran away, the report states.

The victim is said to have sustained a chipped tooth and a possible broken nose. Here's hoping he feels better and is "Woop Woop Wooping" again soon.

Meanwhile, to the best of my knowledge, it is still safe to do a Bender impression in Raleigh and a Farnsworth impression in Richmond, but be careful out there, you guys.

For clips and upcoming air-times, visit the official Futurama site.

From Indecision…

Brazil, a country where family television is defined by the amount of boobs and penises on screen at any given moment, is not allowed to make fun of its presidential candidates on TV leading up to their elections.

The reason? Brazilian TV and radio broadcasters are legally forbidden from making fun of candidates ahead of the nation's Oct. 3 election and a possible second-round runoff on Oct. 31…

They call the anti-joking law — which prohibits ridiculing candidates in the three months before elections — a draconian relic of Brazil's dictatorship that threatens free speech and a blight on the reputation of Latin America's largest nation.

Many comedians are not taking it lying down (unlike your mom- ooooooooooooh!), organizing a protest on this ridiculous ban…

With the first wave of on-air political ads starting Tuesday, Brazil's comedians and satirists are planning to fight for their right to ridicule with protests in Rio de Janeiro and other cities Sunday.

"Do you know of any other democracy in the world with rules like this?" said Marcelo Tas, the acerbic host of a weekly TV comedy show that skewers politicians and celebrities alike. "If you want to find a bigger joke, you would have to look to Monty Python."

These rules would seem particularly "draconian" (does that word mean "evil like Draco Malfoy?" Because I am working on the assumption it does) to Americans whose main comedic bread and butter is making fun of political candidates. Sure, they're still allowed to make fun of the candidates in print, but who the hell reads these days? People with glasses? Come on! Don't make me puke all over my own face!

What the deal, Brazil? You guys are basically Europeans. Loosen the eff up.

In last week's Modern Love column in the New York Times, comedy writer Clay Graham, known for his work on The Drew Carey Show and Who's The Boss?, recounts a tale as old as time; boy sees girl performing stand-up on Late Night with David Letterman, boy uses his power as a television producer to set up a meeting, boy falls in love with girl, boy writes pilot with girl, boy loses girl, boy writes bittersweet New York Times piece about her…

To this day, I’m not sure how much of my initial impulse was personal versus professional. In any case, the next day I called my agent and asked how I might get in touch with the comedian to discuss developing a sitcom for her. My agent said she would arrange it.

This, I thought, was video dating on a whole new level.

Clay never specifies who the lady comedian is, but it doesn't really matter (at least to me it doesn't). He does wonder if he abused his power as a producer…

The inevitable question arose: Had I finally turned into the dreaded producer with the convertible-bed casting couch? Was I taking advantage of my position? …

Or had I always been too careful? Was I missing out on the excitement of living because of some obsolete puritanical ethos? … I decided to compromise: I would feast at this table of giddy romance, but wash it down with a frosty mug of guilt and paranoia.

Relationships in business are often tricky, but it's even worse in the entertainment industry, especially with comedians, who are a bunch of gossiping Gabys. Let it serve as a warning to all comedians and comedy writers; never have feelings. You should read the rest of the piece here.

It's pretty common for some yahoo to file a claim that a popular film ripped off their utterly unknown book or play. But sometimes, you find a diamond in the rough. And then when you hold that diamond up to your face, you realize the diamond is also a banana. What I'm trying to say is this lawsuit is bananas.

A woman [named Pamela Lawrence] is demanding $20 million in damages from Sony Pictures, Chris Rock and other producers of the April comedy Death at a Funeral, claiming they ripped off her 1995 book [Caught on Video ... The Most Embarassing Moment de Funeral, July 11, 1994, Jamaican Volume 1.] about the embarrassment she suffered at a funeral in Jamaica when she was stripped of her clothing.

First of all, I can't wait for Volume 2 of Caught on Video… The Most Embarassing (sic?) Moment de Funeral, July 11, 1994 (which will then be ripped off by Grown Ups 2: Wild Hogs).

Second of all, while I'm pretty sure Chris Rock does not play a woman who is stripped of her clothing at a Jamaican funeral, this case still isn't that cuckoo beans yet. That's where Pamela's 54-page complaint comes in…

…Martin Lawrence plays a writer who is traveling from L.A. to New York and complains that if he doesn't get money, he'll have to do a reality show. In her book, Pamela Lawrence is a writer from New York traveling to Los Angeles with problems worthy of a talk show.

"Problems worthy of a talk show?" Do they just give out talk shows to people with problems? "Hey, my husband and I sleep in different beds and my kid is experimenting with drugs. May I please have my own talk show please?"

Lawrence says she was contacted by the co-vice chairman of Columbia TriStar to attend a "pitch meeting." (…) Later, she was allegedly told by them to "get lost, if you can afford to prove our action see you in court, we employee (sic) the best attorneys."

Pamela claims she sued the producer and they settled out of court. Then, a joke in the multi-million dollar film, which btw, costs millions of dollars to make, was only put into the film in order to personally insult Pamela. If this is true, she should be flattered!

Lawrence claims [the settlement] made its way into the 2010 film as a joke about Col. Harland Sanders stealing the recipe for KFC fried chicken from a slave and then settling a claim.

Lawrence claims the defendants intended to destroy the "female competition" from the "inner city" in relevant markets… that Hollywood has a consistent pattern of discriminating against women as evidenced by the fact it took 82 years for a woman to win best director at the Oscars, and that this case is an example of why there are so few minorities at Sony Pictures.

Throughout his career, Bob Hope hired hundreds of joke writers to craft one-liners, zingers, humdingers and yes, even monkeyshines. He filed over 85,000 pages of jokes (who does he think he is, Orny Adams?), keeping and maintaining them for decades, you know, just in case Spiro Agnew's lack of golf skills became relevant again.

Now, comedy buffs the world over will be able to marvel at the sheer quantity of material assembled by one of the hardest working men in show business.

The Library of Congress in Washington, D.C., has opened up comedian Bob Hope's joke file to public view for the first time.

In an exhibit that links entertainment with politics, which opened Friday, the Library has organized the late comedian's 85,000 pages of jokes into topics in separate digital kiosks.

I Googled to see if there were images of Hope's joke files anywhere online and I found some here. My favorite joke is the following:

You should have seen the Christmas cards I got this year. I got one card from Dorothy Lanour (sic) Marilyn Monroe with a picture of her in a sarong on it in a bathing suit. What a picture! You know how George Washington looks straight ahead on a two cent stamp. (sic) Well, on this one he kept peeking over his shoulder.

If anything, he decided not to go with Dorothy Lamour because she was too famous and he was afraid she would derail the joke with her timelessness. Anyway, for all amateur comedy historians, there's a new well to go explore. All you have to do is travel to Washington D.C. and sift through an entire encyclopedia of jokes about Harry Truman and Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Conan O'Brien has so many good vibes string-dancing his way, he could probably have his show on a network called The Diarrhea Channel and I'd still watch it. Which is why I will be tuning in to The Old People News (aka 60 Minutes) for Conan's interview.

Conan O’Brien will break his post-NBC silence Sunday night when he gives his first interview about his departure from “The Tonight Show” to CBS’s “60 Minutes."

But Mr. O’Brien is still under restrictions not to disparage NBC or Mr. Leno. “He flirts with the restrictions,” Mr. Kroft said in a telephone interview.

Flirting is fun, but I'd much rather watch Conan get to first base with the restrictions.

Since Conan can't appear on TV before May, how will they promote the interview which airs on May 2nd?

The limitations imposed by NBC will mean that “60 Minutes” will take some unusual steps to promote this week’s show. Because Mr. O’Brien cannot appear on television before Saturday, “60 Minutes” will have to be creative with its on-air promotions this week, Mr. Kroft said. “I think we’ll just show me talking to him and have to blank his face out,” Mr. Kroft said.

Is he kidding? Can't tell. Steve Kroft is a famous cut-up known for pulling pranks around the 60 Minutes office. Like the time he told a reporter they'd blur out Conan's face, or the time he told a reporter they'd blur out Conan's face. So many prank-em-ups!

Whenever a new silly scientific study comes out, there's always some bozo who goes, "Wow, shouldn't those scientists be hard at work curing cancer?" I always want to be like, "You work at Costco, shouldn't you be hard at work curing the fact that you work at Costco?" Besides, without all the non-cancer scientists, we would have never found out that women process jokes differently from men because no one has talked about that ever.

Scientists have found that while women are slower than men at getting jokes, they enjoy them more when the penny does drop.

Research shows that women use their brain more than men to process quips and have less expectation that they will be funny.

Next time I tell a lady a joke and she doesn't like it, I'm going to tell her to wait an hour and then come back to me and then I will ask her to marry me and she will say yes, but then my parents won't approve because she is from the wrong side of the tracks and I will have to not marry her and her name will be my dying words and all my kids will be like, "Who was Martha Glokesly?" but I will take that information with me to my grave.

When a joke does hit the right note, however, they derive more pleasure from it…

The funnier the cartoon, the more the women's nucleus accumbens lit up. This was not the case for men, who seemed to expect the cartoons to be funny from the start.

Men are always like, "I want my Marmaduke to be funny even before I read the caption, motherfuckers!" And women are all like, "I have the time and patience to read the caption and be wowed by Brad Anderson's subtle wit." Science works!

Despite all this new research, scientists have still not discovered why women over 40 who work in cubicles love Cathy comics so much. AAACK!

[via The Awl]