What do aliens, cats and auto-fellatio have in common? They're all reasons cited in the Kardashian divorce? Close. They all give me hives? Warmer, but the correct answer is they're all featured in our collection of the best moments from the second season of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time.

Alien Paternity Test: Uncensored
Aliens getting women pregnant out of wedlock? It's like this sketch was pulled directly from Michele Bachmann's nightmares.

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Crystal meth always gets kind of a bad rap. Sure there are a lot of deleterious effects, but I recently saw a documentary series about a high school chemistry teacher who was able to fund his cancer treatment and teach a struggling former student about the wonders of science all by cooking meth, so how bad can it really be?

For more on the positive aspects of meth, we turn to this informative clip from tonight's all-new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time:

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs tonight at 10:30/9:30c after the season finale of South Park.

If a new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time is a bowl of diamonds, then an new episode of Pretend Time featuring a guest appearance by the great Maria Bamford is like finding a unicorn that grants wishes in your bowl of diamonds. And as if that isn't awesome enough, the wish-granting unicorn in your bowl of diamonds is being ridden by Hellboy!

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs tonight at 10:30/9:30c after an all-new South Park.

This exclusive uncensored clip from Nick Swardson's Pretend Time has everything you could ever want from a comedy sketch: weed, video games, aliens and the guy who played Charles Widmore on Lost. Wait, maybe that actually is Charles Widmore. This must be some kind of a sign. The island is trying to tell us something. We were never supposed to leave, Kate. We have to go back. We have to go back!

An all-new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs tonight at 10:30/9:30c after South Park.

As if an all-new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time wasn't exciting enough, tonight's show is extra special. That's because it's a bit of an unofficial Sarah Silverman Program reunion with guest appearances by Laura Silverman, Steve Agee and, as you can see in this preview clip, Jay Johnston. It's like Christmas came early!

Tune in and see the whole thing for yourself tonight at 10:30/9:30c right after South Park.

Season two of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time is shaping up to be a doozy. In an interview over at The Wrap, Nick reveals some of the show's upcoming guests, including Ron Perlman of Sons of Anarchy and Michael Rosenbaum of Smallville. Of Rosenbaum's performance, Swardson says:

Oh, he's amazing, so great. He has one of my favorite sketches, one that I wrote. It's basically a punching bag for guys who are in the closet. So it's basically guys who go to the gym, and they're hitting the bag, but they're obviously hiding a secret that they're gay. And so (Michael's character) invents a bag you can punch at home, but you can also [do the sex to] the bag. So it has a hole in it so you can punch the bag, and get your feelings out, and then [do the sex to] it and feel better.

I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like it should be a real invention. Have you been to the gym lately?

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs Wednesdays at 10:30/9:30c after South Park. Watch a clip from this week's episode after the jump.

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Tonight's episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time features Vanilla, a dog that repeatedly tries to end it's own life. I've seen a kitty chasing a laser pointer off a cliff and a bunny crawling into a bear's mouth to take a nap, but I'm pretty sure Vanilla's suicide attempts are the cutest I've ever seen.

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs tonight at 10:30/9:30c right after an all-new South Park.

Nick Swardson was interviewed recently over at Poptimal where he discussed the current season of Pretend Time, his approach to the writing process and potential future projects with Happy Madison Productions. Here's an excerpt about the trajectory of his career:

I don’t really have a blueprint for what I do and where my career goes, I just kind of follow where stuff takes me. I don’t foresee myself doing drama in the near future, but I am opening to doing anything that I really like, exploring new things and trying out new stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did something more serious down the line, but it’s not really on my radar right now for sure. I’m definitely just trying to figure out what the next film is and just more collaborating with friends and writing, stuff like that.

Is it just me, or does this interview make Nick seem a little too… normal? And nice? And like he still has a soul yet to be sucked from his meat puppet by the devil Hollywood? I hope so. But maybe it was just satanic editors doing the satanic edits that they do. Editors are the evil ones, not artists or athletes or Rush Limbaugh. Editors!

Anyway, read the rest of the interview here, then tune in to an all-new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time tonight at 10:30/9:30c right after South Park.

There's been a lot of debate in recent years about illegal aliens giving birth in the United States, but this uncensored sketch from tonight's all-new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time is about an altogether different kind of alien baby controversy. Meanwhile, if you missed last week's season premiere, you can watch the full episode online right here.

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs tonight at 10:30/9:30c right after an all-new South Park.

In the world of guys with monetary symbols in their names, Too $hort might not be the best rapper. He's good, I just don't know if he's as good as Too £ong or Too €normous. But after seeing him on last night's Pretend Time and in this new Atom video, I am pretty confident that he is the funniest.

There's more Too $hort after the jump. An all-new episode of Nick Swardson's Pretend Time airs next Wednesday at 10:30/9:30c after South Park.

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