Yeah, yeah, vegetarians are hilarious. It's just too easy to make fun of their sunken eyes and ashen complexions, their impotently inflammatory propaganda depicting mass-murdered piglets, and the way their farts smell like broccoli, riiiiight?

But wait. Shane Mauss isn't All Comedians — what about the rest of them? Can these claims by the Huffington Post be true, that 13 of our very favorite comedians are actually closet vegetarians (and by closet vegetarians, we mean proud vegetarians who are really vocal about their choice the reasoning thereof)? How can it be? Of whom will we make fun?

Turns out, the reasons to avoid meat are so plentiful, it's becoming laughable to keep eating it:

• Over 40% of the world's grain is grown just to feed to livestock, and scientists have found that all that grain, water, and land could go to better use feeding humans directly. (You know those "starving kids in China" your mom was always talking about? Yeah…)
• Meat that goes bad is harder to compost, and becomes just… wasteful waste. Just ask this awkward fellow, who actually doesn't compost rotten meat, so much as he cooks perfectly good meat in a compost pile, and wastes some plastic bags along the way!
• Thanks to the "progress" of yesteryear, antibiotics and hormones pollute our environment and us along with it…
• Big Beef, Big Lamb(?) and their fatcat meat industry buddies are responsible for some of the highest emissions in the food farming industry…
• And our personal favorite: the surprisingly substantial methane pollution from manure and "animal release." Yup: poop and farts.

So even if you have trouble seeing yourself as a cud-chewing, patchouli-stanking cat lady of a vegetarian, get smart about the meat you eat. And maybe even start dabbling in vegetarianism, a few days a week. All the cool kids are doing it.

Hari Kondabolu's advice to young comics, "The best advice I could give a comedian is to NOT start in NYC. Start in a place where you can get lots of stagetime early, build confidence and develop an act." [Comic's Comic]

Chris Elliott talks about working within a 15-minute show like Eagleheart, "You sacrifice jokes for time, but the stories get more bizarre because they have to wrap up so abruptly, which I always like doing." [Vulture]

Sinbad just landed a reality show on WE. It's called Sinbad's Family Affair and is described as, "[A] story… of second chances… It’s remarkable and heartwarming, but not without its drama, conflict and chaos.” [Deadline]

On last night's Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Nick Swardson revealed his Oscar pick, "I think it's gonna be a no brainer. I go with it every year. Throw Momma From the Train." [LNwJF]

It's a little unclear if he's 100% serious or just throwing ideas out there, but Ricky Gervais blogged, "Had a little meeting with NBC about various things and recommended Will Arnett for a regular in The Office. Thoughts? I think he's amazing." [THR]

The new trailer for Bridesmaids starring Kristen Wiig is out. It looks pretty funny! I'm hoping it's great, and it makes a million dollars! [Apple Trailers]

You may have heard Ricky Gervais told Heat Magazine he was invited to host the Golden Globes again next year. Now, the Hollywood Foreign Press denies that fact. This story is so needlessly complicated, Christopher Nolan should direct it. [LA Times]

Tim and Eric returned from screening their film The Terrys at Sundance and stop by Conan still wearing their skiing outfits. CORRECTION: Their amazing skiing outfits. [Team Coco]

Tyler Perry's new poster for Madea's Big Happy Family is a picture of him dressed up as Madea dressed up as Natalie Portman dressed up as the Black Swan. [Vulture]

Russell Brand will host SNL in two weeks. It'll be interesting to see how he meshes with the show's style. [LFNY,ISN]

Some of the reviews from the special preview of the first 30 minutes of The Book of Mormon are in and it sounds amazing! [Broadway World]

Russell Brand is attached to star in a film remake of the British TV series RentaGhost, about a ghost that starts a temp agency for the dead. If it's made, I predict it will be "cheeky," whatever that means. [Deadline]

Margaret Cho needs help deciding what to wear for the Grammys and her "stylist" (comedian Drew Droege) advises her not to wear a poop suit. [Punchline Magazine]

New York stand-ups Charles Gould and Luke Younger have a web series called Dramatic NY Actors, and the latest one is my favorite. The surprise at the end is great (also NSFW). [YouTube]

It's pretty charming on SNL when celebrities go on stage and confront their own impersonations. If only there was a list online getting some of those moments together. But alas, the technology doesn't exist… or does it? [Splitsider]

The Muppet Movie has been moved up to a Thanksgiving release, so the wait to see how many comedian cameos they've crammed in there is now that much shorter! [Slash Film]

In addish to Brand himself, the evening will feach perfs by the following: Aziz Ansari, The Dan Band, Brandon T. Jackson, Nick Kroll, BJ Novak, Patton Oswalt, Bob Saget, Garry Shandling, Sarah Silverman and many others.

For more info, VIP packages and gen admish tix.

Spesh thanx to Variety's Slanguage Dicsh.

Zach Galifianakis has signed on for the email-centric comedy Reply-All. If it's successful, I assume we can expect the sequel, Mark as Unread. [AV Club]

Russell Brand will be starring as a swordsman in the period action comedy Hawkwood. [Deadline]

Jimmy Fallon busted out the Neil Young getup again for a rendition of "Double Rainbow." What does this mean?! [LNwJF]

Hannibal Buress talks about balancing stand-up with his writing gig on SNL in the latest episode of A Tight Five. [Punchline]

While promoting Scott Pilgrim, Bill Hader talked a bit about the in-development Les Grossman movie. [MTV Movies]

The highly-anticipated third season of Legend of Neil premiered this week. Watch the first episode after the jump. [Atom]

Wake up from that nap little baby, Paul Scheer gets photoshopped in the Season 2 promo for FX's The League. [Paul Scheer]

Improv jocks and nerds convene in the basement of Gristedes for one weekend. Yes, and here's a Del Close Marathon cheat sheet. [The Apiary]

Methinks Russell Brand will play a Renaissance-era swordsman in the new comedy Hawkwood. [EW]

In the comedy justice system, joke stealing offenses are considered especially heinous. Who will investigate these vicious felonies? [Punchline]

Amy Heckerling (Clueless) will write and direct Vamps, a film about NYC socialite vampires. It will star Alicia Silverstone and Richard Lewis. Move over Edward and Jacob. [Reuters]

Coverage of Montreal's Just for Laughs festival — minus l'attitude de francais. [TimeOutNY]

Zach Galifianakis to star in the e-mail faux pas comedy Reply All. I think this will do way better than my e-mail faux pas tragedy BCC. [MTV]

Marc Maron talks about his truly excellent WTF podcast and his discussions about divorce with Larry David. Sometimes the Internet does pay it forward. [AV Club]

Episode 3 of the Dave Hill Podcasting Incident is up! With Dick Cavett! Finally, a reason to step down from this ledge! [Dave Hill]

That's why we've decided to take a quick breather from reporting comedy news, and instead let the comedians report the "real people" news to you. Believe it or not, a bunch of things happened last week. Like a whole bunch. Fortunately our favorite comedians have waged an unspoken war against ignorance by summarizing those very events in an educational manner on their Twitter accounts. Other than Naked News, this is indisputably the best way to consume the news, ever.

Here's what happened in the world last week:

The girl from The Parent Trap grew up. Wonder what happened to the other twin.

There was some sort of virgins-only costume party going on in San Diego.

Everyone has been talking about this new movie, it was sorta like Titanic if your mind was the ship and your dreams were the antique car sex scene.

Apparently it was hot outside.

Britney Spears does not hit her baby one more time.

Looks like people are still really mad at George Lucas for Episodes 1-3.

Chances of a What Women Want sequel with original cast looking slim. Chances of a What Women Want S&M porn parody looking really good.

Glenn Beck happened.

People in Cleveland are still upset and some old guy wants to play basketball under the alias "Penny," presumably as a statement on consumerism.

The whole oil spill thing is completely fixed without any problems whatsoever. The boss gets to go relax now.

On the last Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Fallon and Black Thought of The Roots performed a song suggested by a Twitter user. The Late Night blog posted a video of the making and writing of the song. [LNWJF]

Funny or Die's Undercover Karaoke with Jewel is being shopped around as a reality series. While I'm not a big reality TV fan, I guess I'll support this so Eric Appel can make enough money to buy a house made out of golden iPads. [Deadline]

Citizen Radio talked to Paul F. Tompkins on their latest podcast. Hey, I'm listening to it now as I write this! I'm half-assing my job, that's how much I like it! [Breakthrough Radio]

Speaking of Inception (I assume you were just speaking about that movie with someone somewhere), Dan Finnerty talks about the inception of The Dan Band. [Rooftop]

Donald Glover talks about his new rap career, "If I slowed down, if I took a vacation, that's not only a detriment to me — but to the world. Not like I have so much to give the world but … yeah, I have so much to give the world!" [LA Times]

Todd Barry and Doug Stanhope talked to Punchline at Just for Laughs and both those guys are funny, so here I am linking to them. [Todd Barry, Doug Stanhope]

Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand may star in a movie. Even though it's still in the planning stages, the National Center for Jewish Film is already preemptively awarding it the Jewiest Movie of the Year award. [The Playlist]

Rob Corddry talks about the philosophy behind Childrens Hospital, "It's a lot more fun to write just eleven minutes of jokes." [College Humor]

From the set of the Arthur remake, here are some pictures of Russell Brand and Luis Guzman dressed as Batman and Robin. You guys remember that scene in the original where Arthur wages an unwinnable war against crime, right? [Slash Film]

There's so much Louis C.K. stuff online today (not to mention our own interview with the man), it's kind of overwhelming, but lets try to whelm it, okay, guys? First up, Louis made a cool interactive map with all his favorite NY restaurants and comedy clubs. [FX]

Meanwhile, there are a ton of Louie interviews. Surprisingly, he does a great job of not repeating himself. Here are a few I particularly enjoyed. [The AV Club, AST, NY Mag, Washington Post]

Patton Oswalt talks about being a notorious foodie, "I’ve had meals that have been up there, but I wouldn’t have anything that was 'best' yet. I’ve got my top five or six, but I’m gonna wait a few more decades when my palate is more refined." [Chicago Tribune]

There's a rumor that Sirius radio is chasing down Russell Brand for a radio talk show in America. Brand has a history on the British airwaves, so it'd be fun to hear him doing something similar here. [The Sun]

Kevin Pollack has a web talk show. Craig Ferguson has a real talk show. It only makes sense these two would meet one day, and now they have. [Kevin Pollack's Chat Show]

Important breaking news: Jerry Seinfeld doesn't like Lady Gaga on a personal level. [Huffington Post]

On Monday night, the Jimmy Kimmel Live! stage suffered a power outage, but that didn't stop the show. Kimmel used his laptop webcam to film the show which airs tonight. [Pop Crunch]

Russell Brand is going to guest-star on The Simpsons, because that is what happens when you are famous. [NY Post]

Adam McKay is in talks to direct The Boys, a darkly humorous violent comic book by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson. [Collider]

An improv student/nerd took to Craigslist to find a fellow UCB-fan on whom he has a crush in hopes she'll want to practice object work with him. [The Apiary]

According to this article, there are new rules to stand-up, but I don't think the internet or YouTube will ever change the number one rule to comedy; no stools or water bottles on stage. [Reuters]

That's a pretty good first five minutes I think. After the jump, I've posted a short interview with Nicholas Stoller as well as some stand-up clips from Brand's stand-up.

He seems like a nice guy. I wonder if he'd like to attend my birthday party?

Here's a clip of Russell Brand doing stand-up.

Myq Kaplan's album Vegan Mind Meld dropped today. You can tell it's legit, because I used the word "dropped" to describe it's release. [iTunes]

The Anchorman sequel is looking more and more like a possibility. [MTV Movies]

Nick Kroll recommends both improv and stand-up, "If you want to be a stand-up take an improv class. If you want to be an improviser, do stand up. It all helps one another." [Punchline]

In this interview, Adam McKay talks about The Other Guys first cut being four hours long. That is a very long time! [MTV Movies]

Nicol Paone dresses up like Russell Brand and interviews the cast of Get Him to the Greek. Not surprisingly, Russell Brand is into it. [Funny or Die]

Here's a list of the top ten SNL cast member crack ups. Not surprisingly, Jimmy Fallon is into cracking up. [Best Week Ever]

Here's the Weird Al sex tape you ordered. [The Awl]

Zach Galifianakis on how the Oscars routinely snub comedies, "Comedies are so much harder to do. Anybody can vomit out their lines in a serious movie, but to make it funny is harder." [NY Mag]

Tim Burton is such a genius, he doesn't even need to put any thought into his films anymore. [College Humor]

Julie Klausner wrote Sedaratives for The Believer this month. [Believer]

Bob Powers considers some ideas for his next possible book, "I want to help people with advanced psychic powers manage their abilities responsibly, so that pyrokinetics can exercise their gift in fun, sexy new ways." [Vol. 1]

The release of the MacGruber movie is being pushed back because God doesn't love you. [LA Times]

The Del Close Marathon is already accepting submissions from improv troupes to perform. Even if you are from out of state, you can drive using your mimed car as long as everyone in your group really yes-ands the concept of an invisible car. [The Apiary]

Dave Hill is organizing International Holy Fucking Shit Day on March 5th, and I think we should all do it. [Comics Comic]

Modern Family producer and director Jason Winer was announced as the director of the Russell Brand remake of Arthur. Still no word on who will direct the remake of Santa Claus: The Movie. [THR]

After the jump, watch 2 Girls, 1 Cop. [Atom]

2 Girls 1 Cop Ep. 1

Good trailer, everybody!

The Ed Hardy Boyz are hard at work solving the mystery of the missing sick belt buckle. [Funny or Die]

Russell Brand kissed Katy Perry, and he liked it. [Telegraph]

Here's a list of the ten ways Monty Python changed comedy. [MSNBC]

Jemaine Clement talks about how New Zealand is different from American, "The main difference is that there’s one comedy club in the whole country. And it’s not even in the town where I live." [Texas Travesty]

Eugene Mirman's new album God Is a Twelve-Year Old Boy with Asperger's is out today! Here's an interview with Mirman. [Village Voice]

Paul Scheer has some tips for the town hall protesters. First they get all that help from Fox News and now Paul Scheer? Lucky ducks! [Funny or Die]

Are you a huge Reno 911 fan? Well, now you can own a pair of Lieutenant Dangle's shorts. And it's for charity, so you can pretend like you are a good person while you're at it.  [MSNBC]

Steve Martin talks about the differences between performing music and performing stand-up comedy, "If I were performing comedy on this tour, I mean exclusively, I would be much more nervous than I am."  [Punchline]

The Simpsons is being honored by the Paley Center for Media. It is now official. The Simpsons has won every award ever. [Variety]

Tig Notaro talks about how she doesn't really have an on-stage personality, "I mean, you’re not going to meet me offstage and be like, ‘Oh, that was weird. Where did the Tig character go?’" [Punchline]

The new promo for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia proves the show will never stop tackling the edgy taboo subjects of our time. [Buzzfeed]

Speaking of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, there's a direct to DVD Christmas special coming out soon. [TV Squad

Garfunkel and Oates, aka Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome, take a turn for the douche. [The Daily What]

Ben Stiller just joined Facebook and Twitter, so he made a vlog introducing himself to the internet. He clearly doesn't understands vlogs, becuase he doesn't lip-sync to a techno song, or call Fifty Cent gay even once during the entire thing. [YouTube]

Jarvis Cocker from Pulp is writing the songs Russell Brand will be perfoming in Get Him to the Greek. Everyone is waiting to see if Jarvis Cocker can write songs intended to be sung by a fictional hedonistic character with alcohol and drug problems. [Reuters]

Doug Stanhope says, "You try to break yourself out of your comfort zone, because comfort is deadly for a comedian. There’s a reason why jokes start with 'Don’t you hate it when…?' and not 'Do you know what’s really great?'" [Creative Loafing]

Joan Rivers is hosting a new show called How'd You Get So Rich. I would relate to this show a lot more if it was called How'd You Get So Poor. Not at all an awful joke I just made! Also, reminder: The Roast of Joan Rivers premieres Sunday, August 9 at 10pm / 9c. [TV Land]

FX is making another comedy series called The League. It stars some of our favorites here, including Paul Scheer, Nick Kroll and Jon LaJoie. [THR]

George Carlin's final book Last Words will be released in November. [LA Times]

Michael and Michael talk about Michael and Michael Have Issues, Stella and, of course, dildos. [AV Club]

Russell Brand will host the MTV Video Music Awards for the second year in a row. I wonder what spontaneous and controversial moments the producers are staging at this year's show. [MTV]

Of course there's going to a Saved By The Bell porno. It's only a matter of time before they make a Clarissa Explains It All porno. [Pop Crunch]

Kathy Griffin is set to host Primetime Creative Arts Emmy's. If you're wondering what the Creative Emmy's are, it's an award show from an alternate universe where creativity is acknowledged and rewarded. [Variety]

Collider has some pictures from Mike Judge's upcoming film Extract starring Jason Bateman. [Collider]